And now something silly about a goose

[If you like singing the round, “Why Shouldn’t My Goose,” then you will love this post. If you hate silly things like rounds, click away now while you still can.]

Dramatis Personae
A: City slicker and leader of singing group A.
B: Country bumpkin and leader of singing group B.

My Goose, Thy Goose

A: Oy! Watch out! Thou hast mixed up our things!

B: Sorry about that. We’ll just move over to the side.

A: Oy! Thou hast my goose!

B: This is not thy goose. Thy goose is over there.

A: No, but this is my goose; I can tell by how well it sings.

B: My goose probably sings better than thy goose.

A: How much didst thou pay for thy goose?

B: Ten shillings.

A: I paid TWENTY shillings for my goose.

B: Then thou art a goose thyself!

Group A sings:

Why shouldn’t my goose
sing as well as thy goose,
when I paid for my goose
twice much as thou?

B: This goose is much cleverer than thine average goose: he is a mongoose.

A: A mongoose? Oh, I see: he has no feathers at all. He looks like a big rat.

Group B sings:

Why should a mongoose
sing as well as yon goose?
It’s because the mongoose
had some lessons how.

A: He took singing lessons? He must be a clever creature indeed! What dost thou use him for?

B: A mongoose is great for hunting. He kills poisonous snakes and gigantic rats, and he even hunts and eats large waterfowl.

A: Oy, my goose!

B: Sorry about that.

A: Thou owest me twenty shillings!

B: For a goose?! It is no fault of mine that thou paidst twenty shillings for a goose!

A: This is no ordinary goose. This is an especially fat goose, raised on corn and sweetmeats. It is unsurpassed for frying; no other goose will fry up as tasty as this one.

Group B sings:

Why should I fry goose,
when I didn’t buy goose?
Hie thee hence with thy goose;
fry it up thyself.

A: I paid twenty shillings for a goose with the sweetest voice in all the county, and thy beast slew it. That THING silenced the most beautiful goose trumpet in the kingdom.

B: Trumpet? Thy goose sounded like a kazoo with a cold.

A: Kazoo or not, cold or not, thou owest me twenty shillings.

B: Lay off; I haven’t got twenty shillings.

A: Then give me the mongoose.

B: If I must. Be ware, though: Thou must know the command to make the mongoose come.

A: What is this word of command?

B: The word is MANDUCA.

A: Oy, my foot! Thy beast has crippled me!

B: Sorry about that.

A: You made the thing attack me!

B: I said the wrong word. The proper word to make the mongoose come is VENI.  VENI, VENI!

A: Come back, villain!

B: Fare thee well!

All sing:

This is the moral:
if thou hast a quarrel,
do not let a mongoose
get in near thy foot.

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Author: Dr. Holmes

Dr. Jeremy Holmes teaches Theology at Wyoming Catholic College. He lives in Wyoming with his wife, Jacinta, and their eight children.

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