Author: Dr. Holmes

Now I know that Tina the three-year-old is rapidly emerging as the star of the Funny Thing of Today.  Usually, if several funny things happen in one day then I try to blog about the non-Tina story.  But today’s Tina incident tickled me so much that I would have to rank it number 1 regardless.  The following conversation took place on the way to Bernadette’s “Little Women” club:

Tina:  Where are we going?

Jacinta:  Oh, we’re just going to drop Bernadette off.

Tina [after a thoughtful pause]:  I don’t want to be dropped off.  I don’t like being dropped off.

Jacinta:  We’re not going to drop you off, just Bernadette.

Tina:  I don’t want to be dropped off.  I don’t like being dropped off.  [Pause to process.]  Bernadette, why are you being dropped off?

Bernadette:  Oh, it’s OK, Tina, big girls like being dropped off.

Tina [pause, process, conclude]:  I’m too tiny to be dropped off!

As I left home today to chair a meeting of all the teachers at WCC, my head hurt viciously.  In fact, I was seriously worried about whether I could focus or even remain coherent over the next two hours.

My solution came when I saw our fantastic Latin teacher, Patrick Owens, sitting at the table.  I explained to the faculty about my head and then told them my game plan:  “If I lapse into incoherent babble, we’re all going to pretend that it’s Latin, and Patrick will ‘translate’ to keep up appearances.”

Everyone seemed agreeable and the meeting went on.  However, I did not lapse into incoherency–so far as I know, that is!

Yesterday I didn’t feel well in the evening at the time when I typically blog, so I’m behind a day on my Funny Thing of the Day.  I’ll try to come up with two on a single day at some point soon so I can catch up to my quota.  Meanwhile, here is today’s FTT, a mini-drama in one act:

***

[Late evening, well after kids’ bedtime.  Mother running on the treadmill.  Enter toddler in underpants, shirt and pants in hand.]

Toddler:  I’m getting dressed for the day!  I am putting on day clothes.

Mother:  (pant, gasp) It’s not daytime. (pant, gasp) You should be in bed!

Toddler:  I’m going to go to bed in my day clothes.  I changed out of my wet pants so you wouldn’t see them on me.

Mother [Almost falls off treadmill–not good to laugh while running!]:  GO TO BED!

By Advent of last year, Bernadette had reached that point of piano proficiency at which playing becomes pleasurable.  I handed her My First Book of Christmas Carols and told her, “This is your piano lesson book for the Advent and Christmas seasons.”  She played both dutifully and joyfully, and sang along.  Which was great, because she and others of our kids have trouble carrying a tune, but with all the singing practice over Advent they could actually sing Christmas songs by the time Christmas rolled around.

Everyone down through Tina sings Christmas songs now.  Their favorite was “Deck the Halls.”  I got a giggle today when I heard Regina’s rendering of “See the blazing Yule before us!”

Her version:  “See the blazing Yuletide forest!”  Brings up a rather fantastic image.

I was out on an errand with Bernadette today and stopped at the grocery store to get a couple of doughnuts.  She and I occasionally go out for doughnuts just for a few quiet moments to talk over how things are going.  I picked out three doughnuts, bought them, and we settled ourselves at a table.

Just then the cashier sprinted up and interrupted:  “I gave you two nickels instead of two quarters!” he said.  And by golly, he had; somehow I hadn’t noticed.

The story of how that came to be was kind of funny.  A woman had given him five nickels to make up a quarter, and he had unthinkingly dropped them into his quarter slot.  Then when he needed two quarters for me, he mindlessly handed me two coins from the quarter slot–and I just as mindlessly pocketed them and walked on!

It would only have been a forty-cent loss, but I still appreciate the honest folks in Lander.

So I didn’t really know what to write for FTT #18, since nothing very funny happened today, but I decided I should log in, start writing, and see what came of it.  But then Mozilla wanted to install an update, which I did.  And then Mozilla would not open.

I restarted the computer (which is supposed to fix all computer problems), but Mozilla still would not open.

That was when I saw the message popping up inviting me to solve a computer problem.  Sounds like what I have, I thought, so I clicked it.  The window that appeared told me that Mozilla was not working.  And to fix the problem, I had only to “click here” and read an online article–which would have been great, if my default browser, Mozilla, were working.

And that, I guess, is as close as I can get to FTT #18 (written from Windows Explorer).

Teresa:  “Is there a Saint Teresa?”

Mama: “Yes, you know that!”

Tina: “Is there a Saint Tina?”

Papa: “Yes.”

Tina: “Is there a Saint Mama?”

Papa [silently to self]: “There will be before this is over!”

David the ten-year-old is, by the mercy of God, in confirmation classes.  The bishop made an exception for a youngster in the community, then a bunch of others joined the class hoping to piggy-back on that exception, and the bishop has apparently let it ride.

His teacher is Emily Tonkowich, again by the mercy of God.  She’s really good.  And our parish priest, Fr. David Erickson, comes in to teach a session now and again.  He’s a great, conservative priest with traditional morals.  Why, just last week Fr. Dave gave a talk about the seven deadly sins for this the youngest confirmation class in recent parish history.

During the course of the talk, he apparently referred to Gilligan’s Island and got the kiddos all excited.  In the heat of the moment, he volunteered, “Mrs. Tonkowich will play an episode of Gilligan’s Island for you next time!”  Which left Mrs. Tonkowich wondering (a) where one finds an episode of Gilligan’s Island and (b) what will the parents think?

So as I picked up David from class this evening, my first question was:  “So what were you supposed to learn from Gilligan’s Island?  What was the lesson?”

David responded, “It was about the seven deadly sins.  Each character represented one of the sins.”

Ah-hem.  As a parent, I’m not thinking of Pride, Envy, Anger, Gluttony, Sloth, or Avarice, but I can’t ask it directly….  “So who did Gilligan represent?”  “Gluttony, I think.”  Ah-hem.

Think I’ll ask Fr. Erickson about this one.

If you are not a parent, or if you find the word “potty” offensive, you might want to look away.  This a story about Tina the three-year-old, and three-year-olds have no such inhibitions.

So Tina has two potties, a white one and a red one, but at some point she decided that the red one belongs to her doll, Polly.  Today Jacinta took Tina to the potty and the red one happened to be available.  “This is Polly’s potty!” Tina remarked.

“Yes, but you can go in it, it’s OK,” Jacinta reassured her.

“Yes, Polly can’t use her potty,” Tina agreed.

Well, what do you know, thought Jacinta:  this whole thing with dolls and imaginary friends is all a game after all.  She knows that Polly’s just a doll, even though she talks about “Polly’s potty”–she’s actually in tune with reality!  I wouldn’t have–

At which point Tina continued, “Polly is too young to pee in her potty.”

At Mass this morning, the lector was a little old lady who has to stand on a stool to see the lectionary.  She always has trouble with the complicated Old Testament names, and today’s was a doozy:

There was a certain man from Ramathaim, Elkanah by name, a Zuphite from the hilly country of Ephraim.  He was the son of Jeroham, son of Elihu, son of Tohu, son of Zuph, an Ephraimite.  He had two wives, one named Hannah, the other Peninnah.

And on it went, with still more names–I really felt bad for her.  After Mass she walked past my pew to whisper, “YOU should have done the reading today!”

The kicker?  I looked it up when I got home, and she did the wrong reading:  that was the cycle for 2012, not for 2013.  The actual reading for today was much more straightforward!

[Blogging question:  Should I refer to a female lector as a lectrix?]