FTT #25

Yesterday we went to Casper to look at flooring, and we did not get back until very late.  So I’m posting now for yesterday’s FTT.

It was a great trip.  We had lunch at the Fire Rock Cafe–the food excellent, the service obsequious.  While waiting for our food, I suddenly thought to myself that I need to stay alert for the FTT–who knows what might happen on a trip!  And at that exact moment, Jacinta commented, “You need to be on the watch for the FTT–you never know what will happen.”

Eerie.  How does she do that?

A clue came later in the evening as we dined with friends.  Our friends had invited over some other friends, a deacon and his wife, and the conversation turned to why people in Wal-Mart look so strange.  The deacon’s wife, Ruthie, had a complete account of the Wal-Mart people, and it begins with sweaty shirts:  some scientists did this study, see, in which they had a bunch of men work out and get sweaty, and then they took the sweaty shirts and had a bunch of women smell them.  Normal women, explained Ruthie, could smell the phonemes in the shirt.

At this point, confused about how these otherwise normal women could smell the smallest contrastive unit in the sound system of a language, I suggested that Ruthie meant “pheromones.”  Ruthie admitted that this was probably the right word, and went on to explain how women who were using contraception couldn’t smell the phonemes at all.  This meant that their choice of men was completely thrown off, because they went for men with the wrong phonemes for their genetic make-up.

I don’t know exactly how that gets us to the Wal-Mart people, that secretive bunch that never comes out in daylight in Wyoming except in Wal-Mart and at the tattoo shop, but it did set me to thinking about Jacinta’s ability to read my mind.  What if I signal my thoughts by way of masculine pheromones?  What if, having been married to me for so long, Jacinta can actually smell what I’m thinking before I let off a single phoneme?  It’s an intriguing possibility.

I wonder if it works better when I’m sweaty.

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FTT #24

We’re only twenty four posts into this project, and already I have discovered a major flaw in my premise:  most of my day, most days of the week, is spent at work, which means that most of the funny things that happen to me are either confidential or too embarrassing to someone for me to publish.  So much of what I blog has to with children, who know nothing of confidentiality–they announce loudly each trip to the bathroom–and won’t know whether I’m blogging about them anyway.

But I can’t keep this up.  I simply must find a way to write about the rest of my day.  So here is technique #1:  Make it anonymous.  As long as the person about whom I write would not be annoyed to know I found his or her foible funny, then I can change the names and blog with impunity.  (Technique #1.5:  Never mention this blog to anyone at work.)

So from today:

An administrator within my place of employ wrote a follow-up e-mail to a very promising potential employee:  “We are still quite untested in your visiting.”

A colleague who received a BCC on this e-mail pointed out the mistake, so the aforementioned administrator sent a revised e-mail:  “Sorry about the typo.  I meant to write that we are still quite intersted in your visiting.”

I imagine the promising potential employee found the whole thing quite intersting, but is probably himself still untested about visiting an institute of higher leaning with such an intestine grasp of spilling.

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FTT #23

Now I know that Tina the three-year-old is rapidly emerging as the star of the Funny Thing of Today.  Usually, if several funny things happen in one day then I try to blog about the non-Tina story.  But today’s Tina incident tickled me so much that I would have to rank it number 1 regardless.  The following conversation took place on the way to Bernadette’s “Little Women” club:

Tina:  Where are we going?

Jacinta:  Oh, we’re just going to drop Bernadette off.

Tina [after a thoughtful pause]:  I don’t want to be dropped off.  I don’t like being dropped off.

Jacinta:  We’re not going to drop you off, just Bernadette.

Tina:  I don’t want to be dropped off.  I don’t like being dropped off.  [Pause to process.]  Bernadette, why are you being dropped off?

Bernadette:  Oh, it’s OK, Tina, big girls like being dropped off.

Tina [pause, process, conclude]:  I’m too tiny to be dropped off!

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FTT #22

As I left home today to chair a meeting of all the teachers at WCC, my head hurt viciously.  In fact, I was seriously worried about whether I could focus or even remain coherent over the next two hours.

My solution came when I saw our fantastic Latin teacher, Patrick Owens, sitting at the table.  I explained to the faculty about my head and then told them my game plan:  “If I lapse into incoherent babble, we’re all going to pretend that it’s Latin, and Patrick will ‘translate’ to keep up appearances.”

Everyone seemed agreeable and the meeting went on.  However, I did not lapse into incoherency–so far as I know, that is!

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FTT #21

Yesterday I didn’t feel well in the evening at the time when I typically blog, so I’m behind a day on my Funny Thing of the Day.  I’ll try to come up with two on a single day at some point soon so I can catch up to my quota.  Meanwhile, here is today’s FTT, a mini-drama in one act:

***

[Late evening, well after kids’ bedtime.  Mother running on the treadmill.  Enter toddler in underpants, shirt and pants in hand.]

Toddler:  I’m getting dressed for the day!  I am putting on day clothes.

Mother:  (pant, gasp) It’s not daytime. (pant, gasp) You should be in bed!

Toddler:  I’m going to go to bed in my day clothes.  I changed out of my wet pants so you wouldn’t see them on me.

Mother [Almost falls off treadmill–not good to laugh while running!]:  GO TO BED!

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FTT #20

By Advent of last year, Bernadette had reached that point of piano proficiency at which playing becomes pleasurable.  I handed her My First Book of Christmas Carols and told her, “This is your piano lesson book for the Advent and Christmas seasons.”  She played both dutifully and joyfully, and sang along.  Which was great, because she and others of our kids have trouble carrying a tune, but with all the singing practice over Advent they could actually sing Christmas songs by the time Christmas rolled around.

Everyone down through Tina sings Christmas songs now.  Their favorite was “Deck the Halls.”  I got a giggle today when I heard Regina’s rendering of “See the blazing Yule before us!”

Her version:  “See the blazing Yuletide forest!”  Brings up a rather fantastic image.

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FTT #19

I was out on an errand with Bernadette today and stopped at the grocery store to get a couple of doughnuts.  She and I occasionally go out for doughnuts just for a few quiet moments to talk over how things are going.  I picked out three doughnuts, bought them, and we settled ourselves at a table.

Just then the cashier sprinted up and interrupted:  “I gave you two nickels instead of two quarters!” he said.  And by golly, he had; somehow I hadn’t noticed.

The story of how that came to be was kind of funny.  A woman had given him five nickels to make up a quarter, and he had unthinkingly dropped them into his quarter slot.  Then when he needed two quarters for me, he mindlessly handed me two coins from the quarter slot–and I just as mindlessly pocketed them and walked on!

It would only have been a forty-cent loss, but I still appreciate the honest folks in Lander.

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FTT #18

So I didn’t really know what to write for FTT #18, since nothing very funny happened today, but I decided I should log in, start writing, and see what came of it.  But then Mozilla wanted to install an update, which I did.  And then Mozilla would not open.

I restarted the computer (which is supposed to fix all computer problems), but Mozilla still would not open.

That was when I saw the message popping up inviting me to solve a computer problem.  Sounds like what I have, I thought, so I clicked it.  The window that appeared told me that Mozilla was not working.  And to fix the problem, I had only to “click here” and read an online article–which would have been great, if my default browser, Mozilla, were working.

And that, I guess, is as close as I can get to FTT #18 (written from Windows Explorer).

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FTT #17

Teresa:  “Is there a Saint Teresa?”

Mama: “Yes, you know that!”

Tina: “Is there a Saint Tina?”

Papa: “Yes.”

Tina: “Is there a Saint Mama?”

Papa [silently to self]: “There will be before this is over!”

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FTT #16

David the ten-year-old is, by the mercy of God, in confirmation classes.  The bishop made an exception for a youngster in the community, then a bunch of others joined the class hoping to piggy-back on that exception, and the bishop has apparently let it ride.

His teacher is Emily Tonkowich, again by the mercy of God.  She’s really good.  And our parish priest, Fr. David Erickson, comes in to teach a session now and again.  He’s a great, conservative priest with traditional morals.  Why, just last week Fr. Dave gave a talk about the seven deadly sins for this the youngest confirmation class in recent parish history.

During the course of the talk, he apparently referred to Gilligan’s Island and got the kiddos all excited.  In the heat of the moment, he volunteered, “Mrs. Tonkowich will play an episode of Gilligan’s Island for you next time!”  Which left Mrs. Tonkowich wondering (a) where one finds an episode of Gilligan’s Island and (b) what will the parents think?

So as I picked up David from class this evening, my first question was:  “So what were you supposed to learn from Gilligan’s Island?  What was the lesson?”

David responded, “It was about the seven deadly sins.  Each character represented one of the sins.”

Ah-hem.  As a parent, I’m not thinking of Pride, Envy, Anger, Gluttony, Sloth, or Avarice, but I can’t ask it directly….  “So who did Gilligan represent?”  “Gluttony, I think.”  Ah-hem.

Think I’ll ask Fr. Erickson about this one.

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